Why do We Show Up Ready to Fight?
I don’t know how many of you have read or watch “The Secret”. Basically, it tells you that everything you have you brought into your life. That anything positive your bring upon yourself and all negative influences are brought upon yourself as well. If you think you are going to “get screwed” when you show up somewhere, then you probably are, if you think that all will go well when you show up somewhere, it probably will.
I really don’t know why this is. Some have referred to it as “mind over matter” in the past, but the truth is, you really do control this. It isn’t that you change anything that happens in your “universe” as the secret says. Maybe you do, but that is a little far fetched for me, but how you handle and react to a given situation is entirely in your control.
If you go somewhere thinking “this is going to be miserable”, 9 out of 10 times, it is. If you go somewhere thinking, “this is going to be fun”, again, 9 out of 10 times it is. So WHY do so many Little League teams, parents, and coaches, show up at games thinking, “this is going to be horrible”, or “those umps are going to screw us”, or “we don’t stand a chance against this team”. Why? They are simply bringing it upon themselves. If they show up with this attitude, they have practically guaranteed a negative experience.
Why not take a different approach? Why not say, “today we are playing ball and that is fun no matter what!”, or “the umps can’t make us lose or change the way we play”, or “any team can beat any team any day”. Stay positive!
I remember before I knew the power of positive thinking once I had a vendor offer me Redskins tickets. I had never been to RFK for a football game and I was like a kid in a candy shop. That Saturday night before the game, I got deathly sick! Vomiting, diarrhea, you name it, I had it. I was very angry! I could have quit, whined and stayed home sick, but I refused too.
I sat down in a chair in front of the TV. I repeated over and over and over all night long, “I will not be sick, I will not be sick, I will not be sick.” I woke up the next morning and it was all gone! Mind over matter. It exists. Those that have the power to use it, have a decided advantage over those that simply accept fate as their master.
Like a batter that steps in the box in a key situation and wills themselves a hit. The mind is a powerful thing that we don’t fully understand. Why would we assume that things will be negative? Why would we assume that when we go somewhere there will be a fight? Why don’t we take the opposite approach. When we travel somewhere or go into a hostile environment, we will have fun regardless of what happens. Isn’t this why we are here? To have fun?
Does anybody remember fun? Tomorrow when you head out to the field, tell yourselves, we are going to win and it is going to be fun. That way, you are starting your journey on a positive note. The chances of your evening ending in turmoil will be slim because your attitude will be good. Attitude makes the person. What will your attitude be today?
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Hi Coach. Two things:
One. The Secret. Isn’t it just Norman Vincent Peale re-packaged? Is there anything new or profound about it?
Two. Attitude is NOT everything. Some people (not naming any names) take the “attitude is everything” motto too far. Attitude is just one thing, and it can certainly influence your experience and your emotional outlook. But it’s not everything. Sometimes bad things happen, and a good attitude won’t make your pain or sorrow go away.
Also, attitude is something you can work on for your own self–but my feeling is, you can’t go around telling other people to improve their attitude. It’s disprespectful to the feelings they are feeling.
Here’s a post I wrote awhile ago about this whole subject: http://greenroomthoughts.blogspot.com/2007/06/chemo-update-inspiring-nausea.html
Thanks for letting me vent! I feel all better now.
Wow! I struck a chord didn’t I? I don’t know about the Norman Vincent Peale reference, I am just a dumb ‘ole Little League coach here and not qualified to comment on that. I will take your word for it because you are always right about stuff like that.
Attitude is very very very important. I had a coach tell me tonight that you drive around all your life and don’t notice any tahoes on the road. Then you buy a tahoe, and suddenly, everyone has a tahoe. When you bought it, you thought you were unique, but come to find out, all the tahoes were hiding there right in front of your face.
If you show up expecting to get screwed, then you are going to see screwing going on all around you. If you show up expecting to have fun, then you are going to find fun all around you.
So you are saying I should not try to brighten people’s days? I should just let them be miserable? On my personal mission statement, the very first item is “I will enrich the lives of others by unselfishly giving of myself in a way that improves their lives in some simple way”.
I am not talking about unfortunate events, I am talking about showing up “ready for a fight”. I see it all the time. I had an old girlfriend who used to quote her mother all the time by saying “if you go looking for trouble, you are going to find it”. How true is that statement?
I find your comments interesting and somewhat perplexing coming from you. Did you have a bad day? Do you need a hug? How about a smile? Look in the mirror! I just made you smile!
Yes, this whole attitude-thang definitely strikes a chord. It’s kind of a pet peeve of mine.
I totally agree with you that attitude is very important, although I think it is possible that you ascribe more power to it than it actually wields. (“If you show up expecting to have fun, then you are going to find fun all around you,” for example–this might be true sometimes, perhaps even many times, maybe even most of the time. But sometimes? It will not be true. Attitude is not a magic wand.)
And no, I am not saying don’t try to brighten people’s days. Yes, try to brighten them–but not by telling them how to feel, or by instructing them to have a positive attitude. That will have the opposite effect in many (not all) cases.
Did I come across with hostility? Sorry about that. I’m actually very positive, and I do believe very strongly that we make choices all the time that affect our reality. But I really, really hate it when people tell me how to feel. (And it happens all the time! “Calm down!” “Don’t cry!” “Smile!” “Don’t feel bad; it’ll be OK.” AAaaaarrrrgggghhhh!
I know you were not specifically talking about unfortunate events–but it’s all related. And I totally agree with you that your expectations about conflict and hostility can definitely affect the outcome of an interaction.
I just re-read your entire post, and I can see that I really focused on one or two minor points instead of the post’s overall message. Silly me.
BTW, I love your mission statement.
And your blog is a thinking person’s blog, in spite of your self-deprecation. Here’s a link to some quotes from Norman Vincent Peale that will totally make you wet your pants with happiness: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/n/norman_vincent_peale.html
Peace out.
All I know is the most talented teams I have had were not successful because the had too many bad attitudes but the ones I made it to championship games with didn’t have as much talent, but had perfect attitudes.
Of course you won’t have fun EVERY time, geez, aren’t you taking me a little to literal here? I simply meant, if you show up expecting to have fun you probably will, but if you show up expecting things to suck they probably will as well.
One of my favorite sayings is “You have the choice to think you can or think you can’t, either way you are probably right”.
Did I tell you how to feel? That was not my intent, my intent was to propose a new approach to a situation, not how you should feel. But everyone should banish all negative thoughts immediately. Why be miserable? Life is way too short to be miserable. Maybe since I rode upside down on I-4 at 80MPH I am a little silly about this, but life really is too short to live it in misery. My brush with death taught me that.
“thinking person’s blog?” I have never had anyone say that before! Thanks, I think…..lol.