The Little League Coach

Water Under the Bridge

Two weeks ago we had a major incident in a game that involved a team and a league with which I have very much respect. They are our closest friends, as far as competitive leagues go, and we often help each other out. It was an unfortunate and disturbing situation that could have festered and grown into a long-term feud.

Today we had to play the same team again. Our coaching staff and team made a conscious decision to “let bygones be bygones” and just show up, play our best, and allow the kids to have fun no matter what the circumstances. It seems their team did the same and, even though we lost the game, we had a fantastic time at their park.

Again Ms. Peevie, both teams truly had a choice. I will repeat again what one of my old girlfriends used to say quoting her mother, “If you are looking for trouble, you will find it.” This is so true. I would translate that to this situation as “If you are looking for a fight, you will find it.” Had either team shown up “looking for a fight” they probably would have found it somewhere.

But that’s not what happened. What happened is all the adults involved took the high road and taught the kids on both teams how to put our differences aside, focus on the objective at hand, and just go out there and play the game. This was obvious from the time warm ups started and I am proud to say that I was part of it.

How many times in your life have you had a dispute, argument, disagreement, or outright fight with another person, only to end up being best friends? Why is it that this happens? So often we look to that person next to us and say to ourselves, “How did I ever end up teaming up w/ this guy?” My assistant coach during the spring is a guy I have the utmost respect for, but when we were on different teams we were always at odds. Now together, we are very powerful.

Who was it that said, “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer?” So what happens when our enemies become our friends? What human dynamic causes this to occur so often? Passion is an emotion from which we derive so much pleasure, but it is also a major cause of dispute. This is prevalent throughout all societies.

My first Real Estate instructor was the most colorful instructor I ever studied under. He used to take the boring legal parts of the real estate game and paint them with passion so vivid that his students would get lost in the particular dispute he was discussing. He would always end every one with one or the other parties saying, “it’s the principal of the thing.” At this point he suggested we pack our stuff up, walk out of the room, and let the attorneys figure it out since they were the only ones who were going to get paid now anyway.

Coaches are passionate about their teams, parents are passionate about their kids, kids are passionate about the game, this is a recipe for conflict. If we recognize and understand this, we can overcome anything that occurs “on the field.”

I preach to my kids every game, “what is the most important pitch?”. The next one of course. We can’t change the one before it no matter what the outcome. Therefore, if we as the adults put prior “pitches” behind us and focus on “the next pitch”, we are certainly better off. If we hold on to hostilities, no matter how justified, we are simply “looking for trouble”. Do we really want trouble? Is this what we want to teach our kids? Do we tell our kids as they go off to school, “go get in trouble today honey.” Of course not, we say “have a nice day”, or some other semblance of good wishes.

So why do we so often show up at games “looking for trouble”? Don’t we know we are certain to find it? Today anyway, everyone involved decided to put our troubles behind us and let the kids enjoy the game. I am proud to say I was a small part of this situation and know in the future, our relationship with this particular league remains in tact, as it should.

Who is your best friend right now that you fought with initially? Please tell us the story, we would love to hear it!

General
coach, conflict, friendship, game, Kids and Teens, Personal Finance, Real estate, resolution, School Time, sportsmanship, United States
15 November 2008 comments [2] TrackBack-URI