Water Under the Bridge
Two weeks ago we had a major incident in a game that involved a team and a league with which I have very much respect. They are our closest friends, as far as competitive leagues go, and we often help each other out. It was an unfortunate and disturbing situation that could have festered and grown into a long-term feud.
Today we had to play the same team again. Our coaching staff and team made a conscious decision to “let bygones be bygones” and just show up, play our best, and allow the kids to have fun no matter what the circumstances. It seems their team did the same and, even though we lost the game, we had a fantastic time at their park.
Again Ms. Peevie, both teams truly had a choice. I will repeat again what one of my old girlfriends used to say quoting her mother, “If you are looking for trouble, you will find it.” This is so true. I would translate that to this situation as “If you are looking for a fight, you will find it.” Had either team shown up “looking for a fight” they probably would have found it somewhere.
But that’s not what happened. What happened is all the adults involved took the high road and taught the kids on both teams how to put our differences aside, focus on the objective at hand, and just go out there and play the game. This was obvious from the time warm ups started and I am proud to say that I was part of it.
How many times in your life have you had a dispute, argument, disagreement, or outright fight with another person, only to end up being best friends? Why is it that this happens? So often we look to that person next to us and say to ourselves, “How did I ever end up teaming up w/ this guy?” My assistant coach during the spring is a guy I have the utmost respect for, but when we were on different teams we were always at odds. Now together, we are very powerful.
Who was it that said, “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer?” So what happens when our enemies become our friends? What human dynamic causes this to occur so often? Passion is an emotion from which we derive so much pleasure, but it is also a major cause of dispute. This is prevalent throughout all societies.
My first Real Estate instructor was the most colorful instructor I ever studied under. He used to take the boring legal parts of the real estate game and paint them with passion so vivid that his students would get lost in the particular dispute he was discussing. He would always end every one with one or the other parties saying, “it’s the principal of the thing.” At this point he suggested we pack our stuff up, walk out of the room, and let the attorneys figure it out since they were the only ones who were going to get paid now anyway.
Coaches are passionate about their teams, parents are passionate about their kids, kids are passionate about the game, this is a recipe for conflict. If we recognize and understand this, we can overcome anything that occurs “on the field.”
I preach to my kids every game, “what is the most important pitch?”. The next one of course. We can’t change the one before it no matter what the outcome. Therefore, if we as the adults put prior “pitches” behind us and focus on “the next pitch”, we are certainly better off. If we hold on to hostilities, no matter how justified, we are simply “looking for trouble”. Do we really want trouble? Is this what we want to teach our kids? Do we tell our kids as they go off to school, “go get in trouble today honey.” Of course not, we say “have a nice day”, or some other semblance of good wishes.
So why do we so often show up at games “looking for trouble”? Don’t we know we are certain to find it? Today anyway, everyone involved decided to put our troubles behind us and let the kids enjoy the game. I am proud to say I was a small part of this situation and know in the future, our relationship with this particular league remains in tact, as it should.
Who is your best friend right now that you fought with initially? Please tell us the story, we would love to hear it!
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Worry About Your Own Team, not the Other One
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Conflicts Arise
Let’s face it. About this time of the season some conflicts begin to rear their ugly heads. Something happened somewhere and someone feels wronged so they begin to argue or lash out. Often this happens when you are losing, but it is not exclusive to that.
Focus on Doing Right
The bottom line is that we have to forget about what the other team is doing wrong, and focus on how we can act right! If the other team is completely disrespecting us, we must kill them with kindness. If they are yelling and screaming, we must sit back and allow them to hang themselves.
Where are the Parents?
And MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL! We, as parents, must control our children, and let the other team worry about theirs. Why would an adult argue with a child of another team? What can possibly be gained from this exchange? Do not stoop to other’s levels, conduct yourself as an adult.
Demand Respect
As managers, we have to take the lead on this. We have to DEMAND that our kids act with respect and demonstrate sportsmanship even when we are not getting the same in return. We have to simply demand that our players act with a level of dignity, whether winning or losing, regardless of how the other team is acting. There is no other option.
My teams will NEVER disrespect another team. I may have a player get out of line occasionally, but this is IMMEDIATELY nipped in the bud and if it recurs, punishments are doled out such as sitting out the rest of the game or for the next game. My players know this, they know I mean it, they don’t push this limit because they know they will lose.
Cause and Effect
Cause and effect are very important lessons to be learned in Little League . Please make sure to:
- Clearly define your rules
- Always enforce them
- Never deviate from them even if it means losing the game
- Communicate clearly and effectively.
Getting in front of this will insure that your team plays with respect. When conflicts arise, your team will rest assured that you will handle it and that you have their best interests in mind. They will not feel the need to get involved and you will avoid potential blow up situations.
How do you handle heated situations? What do you do to diffuse the situation?
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